.....from this hypocrisy & pretence......
What if this isn't everything it should be????

I'm not even sure how I feel....!! !!

Maybe somewhere, someone loves me so much;
He'd share his life with me and my whole life he'd touch;
Maybe somewhere, someone longs to hear me call;
Or maybe, yes, I realized, maybe there is none at all...

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A lot like LOVE..!! Part 2

| Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Read Part 1 HERE
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Ahmedabad-Pune are absolutely contradictory cities…

To be honest, when I stepped in Symbiosis campus, I had got a culture shock.

In the beginning, I felt I wasn’t fit to be there.
I was not that out-going and I wondered if MBA from symbiosis was my cup of tea!!!!
Thanks to Navneet, Pallavi and Rishad I could change and make myself fit for the so-called thing called “CORPORATE WORLD”, where people judge you by the way you present yourself and by the way you flaunt off your merits…!!!

In a month after our final admission procedure on 2nd August 2010, we had our freshers’ party!!!!

I wasn’t much into parties… I don’t know why but the name “PARTY” scares me somehow.
I felt nervous regarding the same.
And I was more anxious ‘cause there would perhaps be drinking too in our freshers’ party.

I did not want to go. Pallavi knew I wasn’t very fond of such parties in discotheques but she persuaded me a lot to join them. Navneet too texted me

“You lied even after selecting truth in truth or dare… Now you pay for it by accompanying us!!!”

That made me feel guilty and I forced myself to go to the party.

Red was the theme for girls and black for guys.

Pallavi had got a red one-piece for me… God knows when!!!!! And of course I couldn’t disappoint her by refusing to wear it….

9:30 PM

We reached the venue…

A perfectly cosmopolitan crowd…
Smart guys…
Pretty girls…
A charming DJ…

What else would a youngster need???

Yes true!!
But I was different!
Alright… I’ll put it in “your” words! J
I was boring!!
I did not like parties.
I did not drink.
I did not like the loud music.
It made me sick and it gave me headache.
Seeing smart guys was okay but somehow that too did not interest me anymore!
My eyes searched for Rohan everywhere!!!

In spite of all this, I talked to my FOREVER friends and stayed on the dance floor for a while…
When I could no longer handle the heavy rock music, I stealthily got down and found a good place to sit.
Good as in a corner table where no one would notice me… At least no one from my three close friends.

I pretended to text, call and played with my cell phone to escape the questioning eye contacts with acquaintances and evade any awkwardness.

Amidst the really louuuuuuuud party music and the silent random thoughts running through my head, I suddenly heard a male voice asking me something…

I turned around…
It was Navneet.

“Ankiii… What are you doing here and that too alone???”
“Nothing Navneet… Just like that… Why are you not on the dance floor??”
“I asked you first… so I expect an answer first… Missing Rohan yet again??????”
“Rohan?? Who Rohan??”
“Ankita, you cannot even pretend properly… you better not do it again”

Navneet had known me right… I was horrible at pretending that I did not miss Rohan!!!

“Navneet, please don’t spoil your mood because of me… Enjoy the partyyyy… Such an awesome party it is”…

“Yes true.. it is awesome… but still you’re not here… You’re somewhere else. Don’t you like parties??”

“Frankly, parties make me feel sick…” I said in a disappointed tone.

“You are looking so pretty Ankita. Why are you wasting these moments? You’ll never get these times back…People are clicking pictures, dancing, enjoying themselves and you’re sitting here facing your past. Turn around and try to appreciate your present…”

I looked down at my outfit. It was really pretty. Navneet was right.
I wanted to enjoy too. I wanted to get clicked with my friends.
I deserved to be happy. I ought to move on.
But my past kept pulling me back… It kept me hanging to that thin thread of hope and I missed being ME ‘cause I wished to be Ashima…!

I hadn’t promised Rohan too many things but I never eluded my responsibility towards him.
It wasn’t my fault ‘cause I gave the best to my relationship with him.
I gave a lot in the name of LOVE but I gave it to the wrong one… ‘cause that love wasn’t meant for me…
And perhaps LOVE in itself wasn’t for me and I had begun to despise this thing called LOVE!!!!....

To be Continued...

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