Keblinger

Keblinger
.....from this hypocrisy & pretence......
What if this isn't everything it should be????

I'm not even sure how I feel....!! !!

Maybe somewhere, someone loves me so much;
He'd share his life with me and my whole life he'd touch;
Maybe somewhere, someone longs to hear me call;
Or maybe, yes, I realized, maybe there is none at all...

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I miss LIFE!!

| Tuesday, February 19, 2013
I missed this space...
It was like I was missing out on a part of me...

Yes, things have changed a lot...
I've changed a lot...
I don't know why but I no longer find solace here.
I don't want to sound defeated or disappointed.
I don't mean to sound betrayed by this thing called life...

But there are times when you just break down.
You can no longer pretend everything's perfect...
You cannot stay strong and convince yourself that nothing's wrong when everything's WRONG, everything's far from perfect and everything sucks!!

There was a time when venting out my feelings on www.wherethoughtsarewords.com was my favorite retreat.
No matter how tough things got, I always blurted it out here and felt good...

But right now, inspite of having written more than 10 lines, I am not feeling good.
No matter how long this post gets, I won't feel whole.
I feel broken.
I get a feeling that my heart has sunk deep within.
It has lost the "lub-dub" rhythmic beats it once had...

The truth is I miss HIM.
I miss him a lotttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt...
Yes, I know WORDS won't bring him back.
TEARS also won't bring us back together perhaps!
I miss his smile.
I miss "OUR" smile.
I miss "OUR" moments.
I miss the times when I could not say "I love you" on the phone 'cause I had people around me but his "Iloveyou" was always there.
He never failed to say that.
I miss the times we teased each other.
I miss the names he called me.
I miss calling him with those cute nicknames.
I miss our really loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong phone calls.
People would wonder how can someone talk for 3-4 hours but "WE" could...
We used to laugh our hearts out on those phone calls.
We used to share a meaningful silence on the phone...whisper "I love you"s... and "I am dying to meet you"...
It was "THE BEST" time of my life...THE BESTESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT...
Even today, He is the first one I want to share everything with.
I love you, sweetheart...
I love you very much!!!!
I don't know if I will ever feel the love I felt with him AGAIN with anyone else...
To be honest, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO...

I would prefer to be alone rather than be with someone who won't be HIM...

He was the beat to my heart.
He still is.
He is my pulse.
He is my breath.
He is my life and the sad truth is I used to be his...

I cannot call him mine , may be yes... but he can still call me his...!! :) :)
I can trade anything for a moment with him.
Just a glimpse of him, Just hearing his voice for a moment,a last "I love you jaannnn" and "I miss you" could bring my breaths back to life...
It would make my heart beat and it would make me feel alive yet again...


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