.....from this hypocrisy & pretence......
What if this isn't everything it should be????

I'm not even sure how I feel....!! !!

Maybe somewhere, someone loves me so much;
He'd share his life with me and my whole life he'd touch;
Maybe somewhere, someone longs to hear me call;
Or maybe, yes, I realized, maybe there is none at all...

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My Letters to God...

| Monday, May 10, 2010
My first letter to God!!

To be received or not,To be read or left unread...

Prayers to be answered or remain unanswered & unheard...Everything I leave upto you,God.

Dear God,

I'm sorry but I have to tell you something.I know I have no authority to question your power and I've no right to make you change the life you've plannned for me,but I just want to share with you what I'm going through.I know you must be already knowing what kind of a person I am,what kind of feelings I've,what others feel for me and what I want from life or rather what I need in life...

But being a mortal being,I've certain wishes,hopes and dreams which I wish to share with THEE!

I don't think I ever deserved this shit in my life.
I deserve to be happy and cheerful.
I deserve to be loved.
I deserve a certain someone to love me and LOVE ME FOR ME..and not just 'cause he has no other option.I want to be "chosen" by someone as his ONLY ONE...

I always think of others and put their happiness before anything else.Never have I made anyone cry intentionally.

Neither have I hurt anyone deliberately nor have I deliberately broken any one's heart..
Yes,I might have unknowingly done wrong to someone someday,but I don't think I'd be paying such a big price for any mistake of mine...

Yes,I'm noone to judge anyone else's virtues,but if I'm supposed to have such crap in my life,I'm sure certain people may have to go through all this sooner or later for the bullshit they bring to the lives of others.

My letters to you don't really expect anything in return from you,neither a reply nor getting my prayers answered...

But I just want to say one thing.Please don't give me such unpleasant memories from my life,don't make me believe that humanity(MANKIND) SUCKS!

Please let my life not be so chaotic.Make it a bit simpler.I don't say make it a bed of roses...But atleast don't make it so full of thorns and pricks.

And yes,I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY,and no matter what you give me I'll stay happy now and be a stronger person who'll be able to take all the hurdles you've designed for me.
Just make me a tough girl,who will be able to overcome everything that is in store for her---Every obstacle and everything else which would belittle my hopes and dreams...

Now playing :- Thoda hai,thode ki zarurat hai...!!

Yet another Adieu!

| Monday, May 3, 2010
Just a simple goodbye,but IT HURTS ....!!

---------Part 1---------

I love you.
I love you too.
Say those three magical words again please..

"I love you,sweetheart!!!!"

"I love you too Shona" replied He.

"I can't live without you even for a single moment.You mean the world to me."

"Even I can't live without you,jaan."

Their love story was one of a kind.It seemed as if they genuinely loved each other.Those late night conversations,meeting stealthily in the college hallways,staring at each other and smiling,looking for excuses to meet each other,those messages from one corner of the college hallway to the other,giving each other loving looks when seeing each other in the canteen and going to the library on the pretext of studying only to be together[a few tables away]....

But...There was something strange about their STORY!!Something which wasn't even close to "LOVE"....

The guy never ever called up the girl.He never bothered to know how was her day.He never cared to ask with whom was she talking.He only talked through messages,and that too when he felt like.He replied when he felt like,He met only when he wanted to and he talked only about the things he liked and he wished to talk about..

Yes,the girl obviously knew all this.She wasn't a kid.She wasn't an immature teenager in love.She overlooked everything just because she loved him truly and couldn't afford to lose him.She never complained,Yes she did expect from him 'cause she always thought of her love as someone like "Raj" of the 1995 Bollywood movie DDLJ...But her love seemed to console her that someday he would understand her silence.

She always tried to convey him indirectly that messages are not enough for any relationship,but he was not concerned much about the girl,it seemed.

Obviously,the girl cared a lot more and loved him more than he could ever imagine...

It was not a very long time since they were in a relationship.It was hardly 20 days...The girl thought of gifting him something as a memory of their relationship,as a token of her love.

She prepared a card for him.It was not a very artistic one,but it was sure to make anyone's heart fall in love with it.... :)

A simple "I love you" on a piece of paper,but it was not JUST A PIECE OF PAPER...It was a PROMISE,a promise to be kept forever....

The girl told him about it...and....

No,it was not at all like she expected.
Everything went wrong.
The guy denied accepting the "stupid" card.

For a moment, the girl's world came crashing down.Her heart was shattered,crushed and SMASHED...

It seemed as if someone had ripped open her heart and cut it into a million pieces...

She somehow controlled herself,and just took all this lightly.She was too scared to lose him.She had no other option,but to endure all that by her own.She could not share it with anyone in the world-not her mom,not her sister,not her friends,NO ONE!

Yes,distance had already made its way between both of them....

-----To be continued after July...

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