Keblinger

Keblinger
.....from this hypocrisy & pretence......
What if this isn't everything it should be????

I'm not even sure how I feel....!! !!

Maybe somewhere, someone loves me so much;
He'd share his life with me and my whole life he'd touch;
Maybe somewhere, someone longs to hear me call;
Or maybe, yes, I realized, maybe there is none at all...

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The nightmare which will soon be a REALITY.

| Sunday, April 12, 2009

I dream,I hope,I wish,I pray - all for him...only him.

Each day now starts with a new series of pretence;acting like I'm fine;showing everyone that I don't care,I've moved on;smiling,laughing at those stupid jokes inspite of finding them rubbish;those hi-5s,those friendly conversations like nothing has happened;that constant fear someone might hear his name from me,someone might hear the things hidden in my heart;lying to everyone around;hoping someone to see beyond the pretence and wishing someone to care enough to see those silent tears...

Wondering "who are they to question me?Why do they question me?Why do they keep advising me to move on?"

I know they all are my well-wishers;They are my friends-my closest friends,but they don't understand what I feel like.They've not gone through that feeling of love being rejected.

It becomes difficult to trust anyone once that trust is broken,doesn't it?Because of that "one" person,everyone is seen with suspicion,with doubt,with the fear of getting hurt and scared to lose and having your heart break again.

The other day,I dreamt of him getting married.He was dressed as the groom in an amazing sherwani,as happy as ever.The same HIM with whom I wanted to spend my life.Thank God,I don't know who he's getting married to.Why would I even want to know?-I did not see her in my dream,I don't even want to.I woke up with a start.I wanted to scream,I wanted to cry,I wanted a hug,I wanted to sleep again & never awaken.Everything came crashing done in just a moment like a multi-storeyed building during an earthquake.It seemed like someone had ripped my heart in two pieces.My feelings were buried under the debris of the building of my own fairytale dreams.I felt as if my soul was on fire and my tears were trying to put that fire out..

Today I've got something new to think about.If the dream of his marriage made me feel like this,how will I feel like when he'll actually get married ??????????

5 opinions:

{ Akansha Agrawal } at: Monday, April 13, 2009 said...

Well... I haven't faced rejection either, so I can't probably say anything... except ask you to give it some time... Hope things get better... :)

{ The Vitruvian Boy } at: Wednesday, April 15, 2009 said...

Hmmm....

I wish i get a crystal ball from some gypsy woman....So that i can show u that yr life would be gr8....

baby dont get upset....
time heals everything....
PLZ think abt the other aspects of life...

{ enchantinganki } at: Wednesday, April 15, 2009 said...

was just hopping by...
dont worry,i know u will sail through!
i feel,it one has enjoyed the good times then why not accept the bad times??

www.enchantinganki.wordpress.com

{ Priyanka } at: Thursday, April 16, 2009 said...

i can undrstnd d pain...but dont worry dear....u'l get someone so much lovin dat u'l read dis post of urs n laugh...!! now dnt ask den y not him! i will hav no ans! but yes..someone...wait wait...he's comin!! ;)

{ The Solitary Writer. } at: Friday, April 24, 2009 said...

mmm !!nice disha

read it before:)

 

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