Keblinger

Keblinger
.....from this hypocrisy & pretence......
What if this isn't everything it should be????

I'm not even sure how I feel....!! !!

Maybe somewhere, someone loves me so much;
He'd share his life with me and my whole life he'd touch;
Maybe somewhere, someone longs to hear me call;
Or maybe, yes, I realized, maybe there is none at all...

Would you like to follow me???

Find my PAGE on facebook, where again my thoughts are my words.. :)

God has shown me the way....!!

2
| Wednesday, December 31, 2008

31/12/2008----It was the last night of 2008

I was going to have the last dream of the year!!



I slept with a slight heavy heart 'cause of some professional reasons.

I said the last prayers of the year just like any other day...I did not know that something that happened was going to happen.........................................
________________________________________

I saw "him" in my dreams and to my surprise[ Read: SHOCK :-) ] ,"he" refused to recognize me.

I returned him certain things back which were never really mine.[You'll know about my dream in detail if I think you should.........] :D :P



I guess even God wants me to move on.
I'm quite sure He cannot change the flow of destiny just for "MY" sake,so I've to "selflessly" accept God's decision.

The things I had to tell him,the things I had to return to him ---all the last formalities have been already done...Dreams or reality:It makes no difference to him

:)

Now 2009 has set in & it holds a better future for me,better relationships with the right priorities and I thank God for showing me the right way in 2008.

But
I will always remember him as a friend,I'll always miss......!!!!!!


Wishing everyone a very happy new year and hope all the readers have a memorable 2009!!

Her step to the sweetest crime....!!

3
| Saturday, December 27, 2008



She was watching Rab ne bana di jodi with her parents....
Throughout the movie there was just one person in her mind....
It was him....
____________________________
She wants to sing the song for him :-
"Tujh me rab dikhta hai......Sajde sar jhukta hai"....
She wants to tell him every bit of emotion she had experienced throughout the movie.She wishes to watch the movie with him,hold his hand,hug him tight and declare to the world how much she loves him......

She's the girl who wants to tell him "I love you".
She's the girl who wants to tell her friends "I love him"
She's the girl who can't wait to tell the world that she's in love....in love with "SOMEONE"....

Someone who's so amazing
Someone who's so caring
Someone who's so loving
Someone who can show her heaven on earth
Someone who's everything for her
Someone who means the world to her


.........But she's just another good friend for him...
There's where the story ends but the girl has imagined a different story...

She's finally in love... For the first time in her life she's felt so wonderful.

The girl oblivious of the bitter reality has finally started dreaming,making lovely fairy tales for her life and living those sleepless nights she had only heard of from movies,read in the cheesy love quotes she had collected and those english love songs by Bryan Adams....Finally she had learnt the meaning of all those lyrics 'cause they were the words she wanted to say,the words which she might never say...And most important she had also learnt the meaning of INSOMNIA...

:)

Merry Christmas!!!!!! :)

2
| Wednesday, December 24, 2008
25th December is one day for which I wait the entire year.I'm not a Christian but I've a strange kind of faith in Mother Mary & Lord Jesus.



I believe a lot in Christainity,basically.

I love visiting the church,lighting the candle.....
I consider it my little guiding light which will show me the right way throughout the year to come!

:)

Actually,my college doesn't give a holiday for Christmas so I can't really feel the vibes as I used to,but then I try to sense it after my college

Here's wishing everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS[It's not "M'A'RRY,like some people wrongly spell it]

:)

Hope all your wishes come true and dreams get fulfilled.

---------------------------------------------------------

Mother Mary,please forgive me if I've ever hurt anyone,ever unknowingly made anyone cry and ever done anything wrong....

She broke AGAIN...!!

1
| Friday, December 19, 2008

This is for the girl who is scared to love & afraid to lose......
After a long time,she missed him
Tears came out from the eyes which had dried
Faint memories of those moments touched her mind.....


She wanted him back
She wanted to feel him again
Everything came alive in just the blink of an eye
The day it all started to the day it all ended.....


The moments when she thought he belonged to her
The time when she thought she belonged to him
Those lonely walks hand in hand
Those long conversations & short silly fights
His loving touch in the wintry nights
Those warm hugs which she'll always miss
Those cosy cuddles in his lap
Their first kiss in the month of Jan.
Their favourite love songs in his sweet voice
Those hopes and swearing words
Those promises to last forever
Her expectations that he'll never change


His materialistic dreams,His selfish plans
Superimposed on her innocent trust
Her false belief on his love
Her blind faith on those words
Her pain,Her sorrow
Her tears wasted on the guy who could never be hers.....

She had to face the questioning eyes of her friends
The embarrassing moments,the feeling of guilt before the world
Everyone blaming her,Nowhere to go.....
But she had convinced herself not to cry for him
and the world won't stop for her grief.


Suddenly she saw him with HER GIRL,
Hugging her,kissing her
Walking hand in hand with her,
With the one who had replaced her
She was his someone special
She had taken the place which was once hers.
Reminded once again of the trust betrayal,
SHE BROKE AGAIN,PROMISING HERSELF NEVER TO LOVE AGAIN....




--Just an attempt to write something in the form that looks like a poem--

My perception :- I guess the girl is still in love....
With every other guy she talks to,she misses him even more,no one can replace him,no one can make her feel the way he did....The worst part is that no one is even close to being like him..
IN FACT,SHE DOESN'T EVEN WANT ANYONE ELSE TO DO IT.....BUT "HIM"...
:)

Someone lost,Much more gained!

2
| Thursday, December 11, 2008
It was just a few days to losing him.

Please don't ask me how.

It's just that I "lost" him and this time I had to convince myself for the final time that I'll never get to see him again.I knew this had to happen,so I was quite prepared for it.

Nevertheless,Life has got back to normal now. :)
I'm happy and I'll be a happier person now for sure

_________________________________________________

Alright a bit of my flashback :-

I was a very good & sincere student till my H.S.C.

However,in my two years of college,I had lost my grip over studies.

I had maintained the sincerity but couldn't keep up the good performance which I had at school.

Some personal frustrations,heart-breaks,emotional explosions in life and some expectations from insensitive people had very badly affected my studies.
________________________________________________

Okay coming back to 11th December-today.....

I'm very happy today....

I've lost him forever.I always thought nothing meant more than him.
Today I've realized that something else always meant more to me than anything/anyone else.

That something else was always my academics,my studies and ultimately my profession now.

I scored the highest marks today in an examination.

It really matters a lot.Appreciation from the faculty members has always been very important for me.

Today finally I've sorted out my priorities,which never really included anyone else[Not even him]-No one else except me,my parents and my responsibilities as a daughter,as a student and later on as a professional.

I'm glad I realized this and thanks to a few mistakes,to a few useless people I met in this transition.

Thanks to their bullshit,their drama,the silly conversations,the trust betrayals & the false promises.....

:)

Finally done CRYING!!

1
| Monday, December 1, 2008


I've so many questions for him but today I don't want to have any answers & I don't even want to ask....

I've waited a long time for him to realize and now I guess it's time I move on....
It was all an illusion and I never really felt anything for him.

He used to say
"You're awesome"
but inspite of that I wasn't better than her.

While writing this,I 'm reminded of a dialogue from the movie 'Dil Chahta Hai' when Deepa asks Sid
"Agar main itni acchi hu,to mujhe wo kyu nahi mil sakta?????....".
I still wish to go back one last time,just to see if he bothers to come back.

He used to write poems for her;I wanted to learn to do that,for him.
He used to ask me the ways to get her but he never cared to see what I had for him.
He wanted her to understand him and I wanted him to understand me.
He was asking me ways to live without her,if he could not get her.I used to search ways to live without him.....& the worst part was I couldn't even tell him.
I used to patiently show him ways and console him whenever she made him cry.
I had always wanted to ask him
"How can you love someone who makes you cry!!!"
But I knew that would hurt him so I could never gather the courage to ask him.

He always thanked me for listening to him so calmly.At those moments,I used to explain myself to forget what I wanted and learn to live with what I had... I used to tell him,
"I'm just an object of destiny.Perhaps,destiny wants you to get that girl of your dreams & I'm the medium for that".

However,I always used to think to myself :-
"Has God forgotten that he has created me too?"!!!

"Why ME"?????

He used to say that he was alive because of her.On the other hand,I was dying because of him.
Either he used to overlook my feelings and just pretend,or I must have acted really well...

He had been missing her smile;I was missing his.

He used to turn back to me when he needed to share something but today when I need someone,he's gone...

He did not even bother to look back to the friendship we had....

I used to smile in my solitude,remembering everything we used to talk.Even a silly love song would make me miss him.

However,today I'm really happy that he's not with me.He's happy where he is and that's where he always wanted to be.I'm happy where I'm and I don't at all need him in my life.

I wanted him in my life because I hate losing people.
I did not expect things to change so fast,though deep down I knew that this is going to be a short-lasting bond.

Now I just want him to be another stranger and if at all he looks back,he won't find me where he had left me.....'cause I've moved on a bit too far from where he left me...

I moved on a bit too late 'cause previously whenever I tried to forget,destiny somehow tried to confront me by reminding me of him,receiving a sudden message from him or someone taking his name.

Now I don't care and I know how to face his existence in this world.
But one thing is for sure,I did not do anything wrong.I was a bit too much,in LOVE!! :)All I ever wanted was
"Three letters to my three words"...!!
___________________________________________________

"Please My destiny,Don't make him play hide & seek with me.Either don't at all make me feel he exists or bring him so close to me that even God won't make us apart."



And ya enough of sacrifices !!

In my eighth incarnation,I'll make sure he's mine & if he's not,I'll snatch him from my destiny.

:)
 

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