I've so many questions for him but today I don't want to have any answers & I don't even want to ask....
I've waited a long time for him to realize and now I guess it's time I move on....
It was all an illusion and I never really felt anything for him.
He used to say
"You're awesome"but inspite of that I wasn't better than her.
While writing this,I 'm reminded of a dialogue from the movie 'Dil Chahta Hai' when Deepa asks Sid
"Agar main itni acchi hu,to mujhe wo kyu nahi mil sakta?????....".I still wish to go back one last time,just to see if he bothers to come back.
He used to write poems for her;I wanted to learn to do that,for him.
He used to ask me the ways to get her but he never cared to see what I had for him.
He wanted her to understand him and I wanted him to understand me.
He was asking me ways to live without her,if he could not get her.I used to search ways to live without him.....& the worst part was I couldn't even tell him.
I used to patiently show him ways and console him whenever she made him cry.
I had always wanted to ask him
"How can you love someone who makes you cry!!!"But I knew that would hurt him so I could never gather the courage to ask him.
He always thanked me for listening to him so calmly.At those moments,I used to explain myself to forget what I wanted and learn to live with what I had... I used to tell him,
"I'm just an object of destiny.Perhaps,destiny wants you to get that girl of your dreams & I'm the medium for that".
However,I always used to think to myself :-
"Has God forgotten that he has created me too?"!!!
He used to say that he was alive because of her.On the other hand,I was dying because of him.
Either he used to overlook my feelings and just pretend,or I must have acted really well...
He had been missing her smile;I was missing his.
He used to turn back to me when he needed to share something but today when I need someone,he's gone...
He did not even bother to look back to the friendship we had....
I used to smile in my solitude,remembering everything we used to talk.Even a silly love song would make me miss him.
However,today I'm really happy that he's not with me.He's happy where he is and that's where he always wanted to be.I'm happy where I'm and I don't at all need him in my life.
I wanted him in my life because I hate losing people.
I did not expect things to change so fast,though deep down I knew that this is going to be a short-lasting bond.
Now I just want him to be another stranger and if at all he looks back,he won't find me where he had left me.....'cause I've moved on a bit too far from where he left me...
I moved on a bit too late 'cause previously whenever I tried to forget,destiny somehow tried to confront me by reminding me of him,receiving a sudden message from him or someone taking his name.
Now I don't care and I know how to face his existence in this world.
But one thing is for sure,I did not do anything wrong.I was a bit too much,in LOVE!! :)All I ever wanted was
"Three letters to my three words"...!!___________________________________________________
"Please My destiny,Don't make him play hide & seek with me.Either don't at all make me feel he exists or bring him so close to me that even God won't make us apart."
And ya enough of sacrifices !!
In my eighth incarnation,I'll make sure he's mine & if he's not,I'll snatch him from my destiny.